VIRGINIA COMMONWEALTH UNIVERSITY

NATIONAL RESOURCE CENTER
FOR TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY

Neuropsychology and Rehabilitation Psychology Division Department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation.

Pat #1

DEAR PAT:

SWM in search of anyone! I am a 30-something male who sustained a brain injury a number of years ago, and my biggest "handicap" is my lack of success with women. Why don’t they like me? Pat, I need a date -- please advise!

Sincerely,
Desperado




PAT'S RESPONSE:

You are not alone. In fact, I myself have experienced some of the more unsavory aspects of modern-day socializing (including the highly coveted "blind date"). When it comes to successful socializing, the place to begin is with yourself. Take a look at the checklist below as you gaze into the mirror.

* Do you maintain attractive hygiene habits (daily showers, shaving, brushing teeth, etc.)?

* How’s your haircut?

* Are you in healthy physical shape (daily exercise of some type, sensible diet, good posture, etc)?

* Do you make the most of your appearance (clean clothes, ladies: a little makeup maybe)?

* Is your manner friendly and confident (speaking clearly, looking at the person whom your are addressing, head up, shoulders back)?

* What activities are you participating in, or what interests are you cultivating? Take a class at the local recreation center, build models, volunteer, work at a job that challenges you, call talk shows, at least read the daily newspaper.

* Are you conversational? Do not focus conversations solely on your injury and disability. Discuss your opinions, talents, and other experiences, as well.

* Are you a slave to fads? Tattoos, unsightly piercings, metallic nail polish, thongs -- avoid them!

My point is that once you take a good look at yourself and become someone you like, then others are more likely to be attracted to you. We all gravitate towards positive, self-respecting, courteous people and avoid negative, self-obsessed, insensitive people. Work hard to be the former; don’t even consider behaving like the latter.

The next skill you need to develop is a true interest in other people. When you interact with others, ask them questions about their interests, their jobs, families, hobbies, favorite movies, most hated fads, ..... Pretend you are a news reporter and it’s your job to casually interview another person so that you can profile that person in a story. (Don’t get too personal.) Try not to show an interest in someone just so that you can assess her dating potential. Make it your goal to become a "people person" who likes to learn about others without the expectation of personal gain. Again, this will make you very attractive.

Lastly, seek friends in places where you would like to be sought out. Do you like to read? Attend an author’s lecture and book signing event. Are you a painter? Take an art class at the university. Do you like reptiles? Work in an aquarium. Are you more comfortable with a woman who has had a brain injury? Seek out the social groups for people with brain injuries in your town. The department of parks and recreation may offer classes and social opportunities for people with disabilities, as well. You want to meet people who share your interests, so go where they go.

Take heart, dating isn’t easy for anyone except sociopaths. Pat knows you can do it, so put away the Fudge Ripple and take a fragrant bubble bath.

3 comments (Add your own)

1. Craig Barclay wrote:
I have been looking for a video chat support group that i can have a live video chat with

Wed, February 11, 2015 @ 8:06 AM

2. Curt Matthias wrote:
One of the things that I accredit to my so called "success with women" is my general confidence about my physical capabilities and appearance. My physical capabilities were badly and negatively affected as I used to be an accomplished athlete, guitar player, artist, and successful businessman. All of these were brought to a screeching halt in the blink of an eye.

The self willed man that I am, I set out to prove any and everyone that said I'd never be able to do anything that I did pre-accident, incredibly wrong!

I started with walking and it took me every bit of two years to get out of a wheelchair and eventually walk without a cane.

Having always been an athlete, I new very well how to use compensatory strategies to get myself in shape again. I started working out regularly and as intensively as I could. Today and at the age of 55, I work out 3-4 times per week and would challenge ANY uninjured 45-year old man to keep up with me.

The point that I'm trying to make is that seeing the results of a physical workout regiment not only increases one's confidence in themselves but, the resulting production of endorphins makes you feel GREAT!!!!

I've also started painting and playing the guitar again. Though nothing like I used to be able to do, at least I'm challenging myself to do these and ultimately enjoying it again.

Your appearance and personal hygiene are also critical to attracting the eye of a woman.

Anyone can brush and floss their teeth!

Also and I know it's a fad to go unshaven these days but that's only if you dress attractively and not like a homeless man. LOL

Sat, April 16, 2016 @ 11:04 AM

3. TBI Girl wrote:
Curt ~

I know what you're going through. If you ever want to "chat,"
evergreen13@outlook.com !

I'm still ironing out injuries of all sorts. But not in a wheelchair, and talking straight again, etc. It's been a journey of blood, sweat, and tears...

Few can relate.

TBI Girl

Sat, November 19, 2016 @ 3:45 PM

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